you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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