Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
