two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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