belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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