the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
