ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
