I skipped work to stalk him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
