Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
