every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
