All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
