I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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