Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
