i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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