Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize