My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
