I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize