If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
