bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
