I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
