Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
