that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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