shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
