Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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