my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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