did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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