Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
