I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize