like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
