they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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