i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
