drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
