I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
