She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
