At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The struggles of a small town man whore
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
