put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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