I'm so fucking centered right now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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