yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Screwed.edu
i think my mom watched the whole time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I understand Curling. That high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
