I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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