dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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