dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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