Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
