So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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