sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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