Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
