I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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