I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
