I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
