my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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