This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
