We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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