I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
