We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
