Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
