3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
