Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
