I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
