I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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