in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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