Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
