I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ladies don't puke and tell
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
