Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
