I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
