Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
