he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
