White coat. Heels.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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