if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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