Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
