am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
