i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize